The Inevitable
by Crimson Flares
Summary: Life has always been so full of surprises. When Natsume Hyuuga says the last thing you expect him to, it's the end of the world... Or maybe not? Crackfic. One-shot. NxM #06


**Um, hi? :) Thanks for bothering to see this. It's very, very pointless fanfic so if you feel that you don't like it, look for another fic in the archive. :P Teehee.**

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**Disclaimer: OH HOHOHOHO NO. I don't own Gakuen Alice. Any other manga mentioned. So sad, ne? Not owning any of those... what a tragic story. The worthless plot's mine though.**

**Okay, I can't believe you're still reading on. Don't forget to yawn. You can't see, but I'm giggling.**

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Like any normal day, Sakura Mikan, the all-time loudest brunette in the whole of Alice Academy, was bugging Hyuuga Natsume's eardrums off about something nobody would ever understand.

Unless, you're listening to her or you're someone like her.

Though unfortunately, Natsume wasn't like her, nor was he listening.

But today, she was louder than usual. Natsume didn't have any idea what she was ranting about. Really, why would he bother listening to her stupid talk when he can concentrate on the latest chapter of Fairy Tail?

As expected, he _cannot _even understand what he's reading. I mean, who could when the person you are unconsciously and irrevocably in-love with has a mouth that is capable of creating sounds nonstop?

Definitely _not _Natsume Hyuuga.

"-Ruka-pyon's rabbit Usagi-chan came to my room last night and gave me a note from Hotaru that said, 'Stop badgering me or I'm gonna kick Hyuuga's ass to come to your room and put you to sleep.' Why would she kiss your butt when she can ask you properly, Natsume? And why you? Why do I have to be put to sleep by you? Why is Hotaru so mean? Can't I sleep with her, Natsume? I mean, we're best friends! I love her, she loves me, and what is Yuri? Koko accuses me of Yuri with Hotaru but what is that? Hotaru heard him and she made a disgusting face and she shot him with her Baka Cannon version, uh, was it 2000 or 5000? I think it was 3000! No, wait, I think its 3500 but let it be. Is that bad? Hotaru thinks so, so I thought so too. And do you know Nonoko-chan and Kitsu are dating? And Sumire and Koko broke up and made up again after 3 hours and Ruka-pyon always blush whenever Hotaru-chan looks at him? They are all so adorable! Yuu and Anna-chan too! And how's Aoi-chan? I think she has a crush on You-chan! So cute, ne? Natsume, I think I'd buy you a puppy or a cat on your birthday. With black fur and red eyes of course or maybe brown hair and eyes like me and then on Christmas-"

"Will you shut the fuck up?" He finally cracked. He shut his book close and glared up at her.

The girl smiled when her partner finally looked at her. She sat beside him and leaned her back at the Sakura tree's trunk, processing his words. As she realized what he had said, she jumped up and yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at him like he's a notorious criminal.

Well, he is. According to Mikan, that is, in the "peeking on my panties" case.

"WATCH YOUR WORDS, YOUNG MAN!" The aforementioned boy snorted.

"Why not hear your own mouth, old hag?"

"YOU HORRIBLE MEAAAANNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!"

"Hn. You're being childish, woman."

"AT LEAST I CAN BE MATURE WHEN I NEEDED TO!"

"Oh? Really? Then why do you wear polka-dotted panties everyday?"

"YOU ATROCIOUS PERVERT! STOP PEEKING!"

"Wow, polka. You actually know what atrocious means? And i don't even need to peep under your skirt to see, you know."

"WHAT?! I HATE YOU!"

"We have mutual feelings, so don't worry."

"ARRRRGH!"

"You want to poo? Jeez, go to the toilet. Yuck."

"YOU-"

"I KNOW I'M GREAT STFU-"

"YOU'RE KIDDING YOURSELF-"

"SHUT THE FU-"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH-"

"GET A DICTIONARY YOU LITTLE-"

Little did the couple know, another pair was watching them bicker, recording their little quarrel with a set of video cameras. It was no other than the Ice Queen and her, uh, newly acquired _accomplice_.

"Imai, are you sure about this? I don't want to die early."

"You'll die either way, Nogi. And I don't freaking care."

"..." The Animal Pheromone could nothing but only sigh. If he turned her down, she'll kill him. But if they go on on what they're doing now, his best friend would DEFINITELY kill him.

Poor Nogi Ruka. But gee, he doesn't mind being Imai Hotaru's accomplice at all.

Put a hidden grin here.

"Nogi, concentrate or I might castrate you right on the spot."

If you love the boy named Ruka, forget about his previous thoughts.

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It seems that Hotaru and Ruka had succeeded yesterday- they have videotaped the whole fight with flying colors.

Ruka Nogi smiled. Seeing that smile on Hotaru's face as she enters the classroom makes him fly with pigs in happiness.

But to be perfectly honest, it was more of a smirk, but since Ruka's having a blissful fantasy about the Blackmail Queen, let's not destroy his moment.

Koko enters the classroom with an air of slyness, looking STRAIGHT AT RUKA. Mochu notices and shakes Koko by his shoulders.

"You okay, bro? You look like you wanna rape Ruka. Or probably Usagi?"

"Fuck you man, let me go!" The mind reader whispered Ruka's thought to the Mochu and...

"THAT'S SHIT! HE'S GONNA BE IN DEEP SHIT IF SHE'LL FIND OUT!"

"Man, he's already in deep shit."

"Oh, right."

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Natsume enters the room with an air of death.

When I mean death, I mean one word out of your mouth, you'll burn.

Yes, literally. Burn to death.

WHAT? YOU KNOW HOW NATSUME KILLS! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, HE'LL PEEP AT YOUR UNDERWEAR?

Nah. He only peeps under Mikan's skirt, so I guess you're safe.

You can't see, but your computer is shrugging.

Onwards with the story. He passes by the rows of chairs everyone sating at him, burning everything along his way.

"Dude. Chill." Mochu runs off with a burning ass.

"Natsume-" Koko follows Mochu with a fiery shirt.

"NATSUME~KUN~~" A fangirl screams and follows Koko and Mochu with burning hair as well. Everyone follows suit, singing,

"THIS GIRL IS ON FAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Faya? What the hell? Who sang that again? Adele? Wew. The atmosphere's getting hot around here.

And, the girl who wears Polka-dotted underwear comes into the scene and starts to rant to her partner, who was reading another manga.

"Ne, Natsume! I saw our classmates running. Koko, Mochu and Jeanna were on fire! What happened! And the others completely sound like Adele! OMY! WHAT HAPPENED!? ANSWER ME QUICK! I WANT TO SING WITH THEM! sn't it exciting? The whole class can be choir together! Hotaru would surely agree! I'll be the lead singer!" She drones on and on and on, distracting him again.

As she went on her nonstop talk, their classmates were entering the classroom again, more cautious. They backed out to the blackboard as they watched the veins pop from Natsume's temple.

"-And we'll win a contest and Narumi-sensei will be so proud even Jii-chan too! I'm giddy! I'll start singing now, or maybe later! How exciting! Ayyyie! Then I'll be world famous and everyone will love and Hotaru will be my bestest best friend in the world then my prince charming will come on a white horse to marry me and we'll live happily ever after with thirty million kids and they will marry Hotaru's children and Ruka's animals and I'll have my eldest marry Piyo-"

Natsume gave her a completely shocked-whipped- look and said,

"Lol, wut?"

The whole class knew it was end of the world. NATSUME. HYUUGA. SAID. LOL.

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**Okay look, I don't know what I've typed. It's longer than intended actually. Will you flame me? Teehee. Hope not? I know it's worthless and a waste of time but...**

**If you hate that "Yuri" part, sorry! :)**

**PLEASE, REVIEW. Still unedited... okay?**

**And if you review, I'll give you a lifetime supply of virtual candies. Expect me to reply in PM. Buh-Bye~!**


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